One day my Mother checked the bed and it wasn’t wet for the first time, so I got a lollipop… even though I did wet a little bit after that reward, I’ve never did again, but where was love in all that?
We all had toys we embrace and toys we wish we had back, I remember a small helicopter given by my mother, I threw it from the 2nd floor to see what was inside, my mother was in shock and I was sad because I knew after that what was inside but the helicopter never functioned again, but where was love in all that?
I remember my first fight in middle school, a fight with a bully, it took 2 men to take me away from him, yes I won that fight and he never bully me again, but where was love in all that?
I was playing baseball, I had the bases loaded, my friends told me "hit a homer" and I replied "that’s difficult to do", first pitch I saw I hit out of the park, my first homerun, but where was love in all that?
I was the clown of my class because I wanted to be accepted, I did what nobody in my classroom ever did, so I became popular, but where was love in all that?
I came out from high school as the most popular person ever, so much, that after years passed by all my friends and teachers who were there, still call me by my nickname, yuca… but where was love in all that?
I always went out and got drunk with my buddies, my mother suffer a lot because I was wild, did liked heavy metal and always was attracted to the occult, but where was love in all that?
My university, all my friends were scared of me because they knew I could beat them up, I knew I had a bad reputation and I like it, but where was love in all that?
When I went to Medicine I was feared by my teachers, doctors and colleagues because I always had the answers, but also made the tough questions, but where was love in all that?
Once I came to know Jesus, I thought that we are saved and nothing would take away His love from me, even though I was in Church and worked in a youth group, my repentance was never there, so… where was love in all that?
Now I’m seeing clearly, that it was all self-love,as you could note in all paragraphs above, the I's and the me's; it was all self-love, I adjusted Christ love to what I’ve wanted it to be, I had a happy childhood but it wasn’t enough, I had a tough teen years but I wanted all, I was venerated and proclaimed, but more glory I wanted… self-love the contrary to humility.
Therefore it is truly a mystery why Jesus love me so much, I didn’t had one milligram of true love, nor humility and kindness for the world.
I have lied, Murdered, cheat, steal, use people, and most of all I did this while eating His flesh and drinking His blood, so I am guilty, guilty of His sacrifice… I need humility so desperately, but when I ask the Lord he says "Only my Love you need" So in time the Lord and Teacher will show me how I can be unselfish… Kind… and a victim of His.
I am not worthy, I wasn’t when I first saw Him, I wasn’t when He saved me from death, and I wasn’t when He talked to me…
I’m still a worthless worm and I deserve hell a million times over, but he said to me "Only my Love you need" now I know where Love has been all my life… knocking at my door.
I followed self-love all of my life, a false love which is taught by the world and now I know how Paul the apostol but also the murderer felt, when that thorn of satan pinched him and Christ told him "Only my love you need"...
Tough times are ahead and the Lord has said it well "In that time, Love will grow cold"
People when I was a child use to be kind, but now everything has a price… Now everything doesn’t need repentance because God forgives us automatically according to our apostate Church…
We need humility to enter heaven and that is something that is taught from heaven, you can’t do it yourself, repentance first and embracing Jesus as your Lord forever must follow, trusting Him despite horror, despite the enemy, despite death.
Horror is about to fall upon whoever loves Jesus and Mary, the love that the world teaches is about to be legal and all who rejects it will be persecuted.
This is what they wanted, this is what they planned since long… people don’t like martyrdom, and martyrdom is for all who despises self-love, so decide: Heaven or the world.
Heaven despite the struggles ahead, decide to be taught the depths of humility, because it’ll be Humility that will open Heaven for you, loving God in secret, Loving God more than anything, Loving His plans and in His plans... there’s no condoning sin, on the contrary looks to not sin... because you fear the Lord.
Blessed be God Forever! Amen
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